It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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