I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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