Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
