Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
