I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize