i barfeds in our rink
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
