I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
