I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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