Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
