Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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