i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
