Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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