Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
