He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
