Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
