I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
