Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
