Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
