Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
