You're so nebulous sometimes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
