omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize