I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
