I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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