I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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