My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
