I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
