I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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