My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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