i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
