I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
