He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
false alarm. still invincible.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
