She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
