can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
