We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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