I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
