im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize