Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
