I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize