Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
