Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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