don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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