your thong is hanging out like whoa
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
