I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
