when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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