I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think your dad took our porno
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
