I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
