I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
