I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
