I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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