The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize