Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
