why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
