I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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