I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
