your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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