Porn is love you can see.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
