Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
