how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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