You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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