Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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