Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
