So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Rumble strips road head = magical
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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