my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
