So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
