I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
