Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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