True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
