and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
