Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
