i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
