You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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