I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
