Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
false alarm. still invincible.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
