Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
