If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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