I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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