Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
