im drinking this country out of the recession.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
