are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
