Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
