As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
