I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
