you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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