can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I could fuck to npr.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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