I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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