I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
