Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize