Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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