i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
