remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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