First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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