the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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