i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
