her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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