I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
