She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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