The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
