Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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