honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
