Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
