saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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