I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
