look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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