I am in a vortex of obligation.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize