Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
