Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize