I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
