there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize