oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
