Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
