Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
