So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
