You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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