btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
