Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
