After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
